My Life in Darkness
I lived in this turmoil I called “Darkness” for most of my adult life. I was angry all the time, full of pride, my ego got the best of me, and I was explosive towards any situation. These were not the best times in my life at all, but this is how I chose to live with it. I truly didn’t care who I hurt, who I committed sins again, or how God looked upon me. This is how I took the blame of my dad’s loss. This is how I carried those burdens from the car accident in my life. The more I became of this darkness, the more I pushed those who loved me – away. For I shifted all blame to God and removed myself from faith.
The Moment I Chose to Seek Peace
Then it came that day where I was just tired of it all, where the burdens of the loss of my dad was just too much. I made the choice to seek peace, to return to God. I really had no road map on to do this, what was rooted inside me was pure anger and hatred, and I knew that only way through is wasn’t found in this world but from the Lord. I was a mess, my ego and pride were out of control, and I was beyond restlessness. I needed help, I needed God.
Seeking Forgiveness From Those I Hurt
One of the first actions I took was seeking forgiveness from those I hurt: My brothers, mom, wife and kids – just apologizing for who I was, what I became, and those moments where my sins came over. I opened my heart to them, asking for their love and forgiveness. What I did not know at the time or realize what I was doing is found in Matthew 5:23-24:
“So if you are offering your gift as the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.”
Unbeknownst to me, what I was doing was preparing my spirit, heart, mind, body, and soul for the Lord. I am the gift at the altar. To truly be ready for the Lord, I needed forgiveness from others first. I had to accomplish this key thing. Only then the Lord could forgive me for the sins I committed against Him.
Reconciliation Before Coming to God
Before I can go before God, the first thing I did at the time was seek those whom I have done wrong, to offer peace to those I offended and trespassed. So if you are in the same situation or find yourself seeking the Lord to atone for your sins, then the first proper step is to seek those whom you sinned against and offer forgiveness.
How Forgiveness Opened My Heart to God
What I didn’t understand at the time was that seeking forgiveness from others opened my heart to receive God’s forgiveness more fully. They don’t have to necessarily forgive you, but what you demonstrate to the Lord is humility, obedience, and love – all key traits which are required in heaven.
Humility, Obedience, and Love: The Heart of Forgiveness
Humility: Letting Go of Ego and Pride
Humility to me at the time meant I stripped away all the ego and pride that I grew accustomed to for my own personal grieving mechanism. I said no more me, and I let go of myself to the power of forgiveness from others. I moved aside that angst I had with others and with myself. Through their forgiveness, I discovered that love truly conquers all. It was as step needed for me to remove myself from what I was and into the person that God wanted me to be.
Obedience: Aligning My Life With Christ
I didn’t fully understand obedience until after I was restored and into the light. At the time I was showing the Lord through seeking forgiveness of others that I am aligning myself with preaching of the word, Jesus Christ. That spiritually I was calling for restoration and redemption power of Christ. For from that moment on, I consciously became more aware of the truth of the Lord and continue to live my life according to the word so that I do not falter and fail Jesus Christ again. To me obedience was the start of my faith, and from these actions I took at the time, I was becoming into the child of God that He wants me to be.
Love: The Heartbeat of Forgiveness
When I sought forgiveness, it showed me that through whatever harm, sins, hurtful things I said and did, that their love for me triumphed. That God’s unwavering arm of hope and love is still possible through forgiveness. No matter what I did, to be forgiven is the ultimate sign of God’s love He shows through others. For that I am blessed, and it is from that same Love through restoration for which I do all I can to treat others the same way. Love is the heartbeat of forgiveness.
Walking the Long Road Toward Peace
A Daily Journey of Seeking God
So as my journey continued to atone from the burdens of losing my dad, my journey to peace through forgiveness was a day-by-day process for me. It was a constant seeking of the Lord, seeking forgiveness, and just spending days alone with God. Each day I spoke to God humbler than the last, more forgiving than the last, and more open to love. What I did not know at the time was each day, little by little I was being more obedient to the Lord.
The Day God Restored My Heart
When that day came, when the Lord laid his hands upon my heart, and restored me whole, my faith was renewed, and my spirit was reborn. Forgiveness reached into me, His Love completed me, and His faith cleansed me. Peace came upon me.
Why I Minister Today
Peace Is Possible for You Too
I am minister because I became witness to this. I believe if peace is possible for me through my own circumstances, then it is possible for you. That no matter where you are, when you start with forgiveness and towards God, that peace is for you as it was for me. That forgiveness is not only a power key to the Kingdom of Heaven, but it is also a power key to unlock the peace that you deserve from Jesus Christ.
Living Out Peace Through Humility, Obedience, and Love
Once you learn to be humble, and obey the will of God, and love more, you can sustain that peace through out your days left on earth. I learned these things the hard way, for my road involved me losing my dad, my journey started in grief and anger, and through it all the Lord never left me even after I left the Lord. Be faithful in all that you do. Seek forgiveness wholeheartedly and always forgive those who seek it from you. Never hold judgment but always lead with mercy. For these are the keys to peace, the way to Jesus, the truth, and the light.
A Final Word of Peace
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 4:7
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