Jesus Restores All

The very first time I experience a loss close to me is when my dad passed away on June 9, 2001. It wasn’t due to natural causes or disease, but my dad and I were involved in a single car accident due to me falling asleep while driving. It was that morning where I had rolled my car several times and found my dad had been ejected from the car. He died on scene and in my arms.

I was just 22 years old at the time, and this was the most difficult day in my life. I had to break the news of the accident to my mom and to my three younger brothers. I saw every tear fall from the face of anyone who knew my dad. I heard everyone’s cries from this loss. I felt everyone’s sorrow and grief. It was difficult to watch those who have known my dad, those who have loved my dad, and to see my mom and my brothers suffer without my dad.

My trials and suffering

I caused all this grief. I caused all this sadness. I caused all of this.

I felt alone with my shame and with my guilt. At the time I didn’t have anyone I could talk to express these feelings, so I just pushed it down, and left it alone. Slowly I let the darkness and tragedy from this accident consume me, and I was unwilling to forgive God. I let all those feelings alone in my heart and let it fester inside me.

I blamed God for everything that happen. I blamed God for taking my dad. I blamed God for having me witness his death firsthand and so violently. I blamed God for the pain that I caused for everyone. I blamed God for it all.

Each year around June 9th I would relive the day in my head and relive the pain through everyone’s social media tributes and posts and I dipped more into the darkness and unwilling to let go of the grief, pain, shame, sorrow, and anger I had with God. I really did not care for my salvation or if I sinned against God. I hated God, I hated how He put me through this.

I was short tempered, quick to anger, unwilling to listen and love. During this time, I got married and had 3 kids. I wasn’t any easy person to talk to. I felt under constant attack and felt uneasy about life. The darkness just lived in me, and I lived in the darkness. I did find happiness with my marriage and with my kids but reminded myself that my family will never have the chance to meet my dad, and my dad will never have the chance to be a grandfather. This realization just ate away at my heart and soul. This just added to the feelings I let fester deep down inside me.

Return to the Lord, Jesus Christ

For 17 years, I lived like this, in this darkness, and my choice to live a life without God. In June of 2018, that feeling I had where I choose to live another year in this darkness or to finally do something about it. I was done with this, done living like this. Done feeling like this. So, I picked my phone and called my brothers and apologized to them for the accident. I apologized to my mom, and finally apologized to my family for the husband and dad I had become.

I was so lost in darkness, and so lost in life within myself, that the only thing I knew that could rescue me is Jesus Christ. So, I went back to Christ. I went to mass; I even went to church when there was no mass and sat there and prayed.

I went to confession to confess my sins, and I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed to Jesus and to God asking for forgiveness. There was not a minute of my day where I did not focus my heart, mind, body, and soul towards God and recommitted my love and faith into the Lord, and into Jesus Christ.

I really don’t know how long I have been doing this but looking back it felt like a couple of weeks of constant prayer, constantly seeking God, and seeking Jesus Christ. I heard nothing from God, nothing from Jesus, and I kept praying and asking Jesus to take this guilt, shame, darkness – all these feelings from the day I lost my dad – take them all away from me. I must have pleaded with Christ day after day, relentlessly.

Grace of God

One morning I went to daily mass, and it was right after communion where I returned to my seat. I had knelt down to pray to Jesus, and I asked Him for His love and His forgiveness. In a single moment, I felt the presence of God in my heart, and his hand holding my heart, as if He was telling me, “I forgive you, all is okay, I AM here, and I LOVE YOU” I couldn’t control my feelings that I was experiencing at that time. This overabundance of joy, love, happiness, and peace has overcome my heart and my soul. I knelt before Jesus Christ and wept. Tears fell, and my grief, sorrow, and guilt were lifted off my shoulder, in a single moment. Everything in my past was gone and all of my sins were gone. Christ took my plate and wiped it clean. I was restored. I was with God once again. I felt His Love, His Mercy, and His Grace all at one time, and I felt the Holy Spirit awaken within me. It is and will always be the most impactful feeling and moment of God in my life.

I am proof

I share this with the world because God is a living God and He lives inside me. I testify that Jesus Christ truly does restore lives and redeems anyone who seeks and accepts Jesus Christ as their God and Savior. I am proof that despite being in darkness and my hatred towards God that you can be restored and redeemed regardless of your circumstance and situation. I am proof that no matter what, the Lord loves you unconditionally and faithfully. I am proof that Jesus Christ forgives sins and takes all of your sins away from you so that you can be free of your sins. I am proof that God is always around, and that God always is with you. I am proof that you can turn your life around and quickly with the Lord, Jesus Christ.

I am proof of the Will of God and God’s plan, and that is even after my dad died, that through all of this pain, grief, sin, and hatred, that I am here to help minister the light, the way, and the truth who is Jesus Christ. I am here to find those who are in need of Jesus and who share the same experience I did. I am here because God wants me to spread the Good News to anyone who is willing to have an open heart and hear the Word of God. I am here to share my testimony of faith, to share with you my experiences with Christ Jesus in my own life, so that you too can believe in Christ and experience the joy and peace of what it truly means to be restored by Jesus Christ as I have.

Share your experience!

We all have a different way of how Jesus Christ restored and redeemed us. I would love to hear about it, and perhaps publish your story on this blog so that it can serve as more proof, testimony, and glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Leave a comment below or feel free to contact me here.

Thank you so much! May God bless you.